Good News!

So I was notified my services would not be required as of October 1 on September 23.

On September 27, the fellow who taught me how BAs fit into Agile Development (yeah, I capitalized it, wanna make sumpin of it?) calls me in the evening, after work.

We exchange pleaseantries and he asks if I'd be interested in working on a potentially Huge Project (yeah, I did it again, didn't I?) downtown for a non-profit.

Now, I hate communting into the city for any reason. Besides being a big guy (OK. I'm fat), one knee has arthitis I found out four months ago) and the other's patella (knee cap-pretty cool that I knew that- I watch Bones) is improperly placed all of a sudden (which I found out on the same visit).  Then the left foot went numb- the MRI (Magnetic Resonance Something or Other- I'm on a roll, no?) says two important disks are either pinching or something. Oh yeah, you have mild neuropathy (duh, I'm diabetic)- surgery really isn't an option- go get PT (Physical Therapy- this medical stuiff just rolls off my tongue, doesn't it?), that'll be $750 please.

Well- that's why I hated going into the city, I thought as I mildly said, "Hell yeah," to my former and now current boss-guy. But for the rate, I guess I can take a cab,

Just like last time I worked at Pathfinder (the other names change by the phase of the moon- first it was Pathfinder Associates [PFA]- that changed to Pathfinder Development [PFD] after I was 'flipped' from contracter to employee (they don't have to pay me as much, but I get paid holidays) and now it's (I think) Pathfinder Software [PFS]). That marketing stuff is better handled by the experts, not moi.

So I went downtown exactly once. The two hugely intelligent guys doing the rationale for revamping the non-profit's IT Architecture pretty much handled it exquistely. I did some wiki stuff that nobody will use- just like 2005-1008.

And just like 2005-2008, another project desperately needed help, and I got assigned. It was originally for three days a week, but the non-profit project won't need me until the overall project gets approved and my company gets a piece of it (happy assumptions here).

So I'm working with a, as per usual for PFA/D/S, superb team with an exteremely talented whipper-snapper Project Manager (he can't be a day over 20 even if he graduated at Georgia Tech with a Masters and worked there for a number of years and has two kids). The project is exceedinlgy complex as a result of business requirements (pretty much standard for all the projects I've worked on).

But it's supposed to go through January- probably even longer since it's health related and there's a lot of FDA junk that needs to be done.

While I'm happy as a pig in...um..er...you know, I still can't figger out how the hell I dumbly get assigned to projects with really smart people. Blind luck? Probably....

Update

So my time at large financial company is over. Like October 1.

The time was well spent in a cool project. Except:

• How can you create a new user look and feel when you've already coded, marketed and have begun user instructions when half the application before you hire the UxD or BA contractors, and then demand they adhere to non-existent control and design standards?
• Why does the head honcho not know such a major overhaul requires an As-Is snap shot to make certain the requirement "All previous version functionalities must be present in the new version" is met?
• How can you deal with a project manager that asks contracting companies, half way through the project, to prepare bids without budget requirements and on what basis the company will choose its contracting team.

Yeah. My team lost.

Oh well. I got paid, I created some useful, if convoluted, requirements and diagrams. And worked with some really sharp people.

Since I don't have to support the application on implementation, I'd say it was a fair trade. But I feel bad for the folks that have to stay.

Down and Dirty Baseline

Management wants As-Is documentation for its existing application. It handles billions of dollars each month. And the developers have already started working on the Manufacturer side of the application and want a lot of code and reporting re-use. I'm with the Dealer side.

Coding starts in mid August.

How to get this done was the first meeting I attended after my company laptop was issued and I found my cube int he farm.

I suggested a light weight requirements process- a description of current functionality, a screen capture, a process flow activity diagram and functional descriptions we can infer from playing with the application. Once these "use cases" are complete, we'll walk SMEs through them to correct errors, add stuff we had no clue about and the like.

We will have the required baseline done in a very short period. Enough to do a Gaps Analysis of Version 1 compared to plans for Version 2.

So far we've created a "use case" number and title for each major major page and cross referenced to menus.

It seems to be working- at least the boss is very happy check marks in the tracker are increasing in quantity and the 'now published' announcement e-mails are coming a lot faster. The BA team has access to the QA/Development environment. I got the Create User doc done in about a day and a half. The current system, as you'd expect, has had several changes over the years and is, um, complicated.

Abstraction is a wonderful thing.

Since Create User is the first major design issue, I'm already talking about Version 2.0 with the IA/Designer as I delve deeper into this really cool piece of work that has combined two or three legacy applications and several upgrade security tools. This archeological stuff is interesting. The boss is a SME and quite amazing himself. So this isn't going to be the cluster ***k it could have been.

I'll letcha know. This Agile stuff works great. But of course, you and I already knew that.

Scary, Kids, Scarry!

<I've added a few musical touches, tell if you like/hate them>

OK, County Floyd from SCTV, I'm officially creep-ed out.

Google's new 'social networking' tool, Google+ is crawling around our computers. See PC World Article for background.

(upbeat banjo licks)

My own moment of clarity came about two weeks ago. I got a message concerning Google's new two part security system. There was a big hack job a few weeks ago and this was Google's answer.

(organ mystery stab)

The new system requires you to use a second password to get to your Google stuff. I set it up from my laptop and  Android Smartphone (which really isn't smart at all...but that's a different rant you can expect in the days to come). Worked great the first time I did it.

(heavy timpani role)

Then I programmed my password manager to handle the duties.

(Theramun stuff like in The Day The Earth Stood Still)  Yeah, it's a real instrument played with your hands weaving in and around an antenna looking thingie. Some say it was the first electronic instrument.

Anyway, back to our story!

Dummy me.

I did it from the smartphone.

(another organ stab)

See, the new system makes you download a new password generator app on your phone.

(Banjo up and under the next paragraph)

So you gotta log into Goggle, then your phone and then generate a second password the laptop site is demanding.

Hurry Up,. though! (banjo speeds up) You have only a couple of minutes to use it!

(banjo stops abruptly, timpani increase rhythm and under...)

And yes, you have to log out of Google on your phone, generate a new code, copy it, go back into Google and use the second password before it expires.

Have you ever tried to do anything fast on one of these touch pad keyboards? (Spike Jones something or other)  It's like trying to use a bat with cooking mittens on.

I did this on a Saturday. I needed Google Maps on Sunday. On my phone.

As soon as I got home, I ran everything back to default.

So, problems with Google+ don't surprise me in the least. And I'm getting worried about the smartphone I bought.

It uses Android (the cut down LINUX operating system), made by Google.

(Descending trumpet wah-wah's)

Ten Things You Can Do While Waiting for the New Contract to Start

Let's see:

1. Respond to all the nudges in your Facebook games.
2. Figure out how to load those pictures from your phone to Facebook, or Flicker or...
3. De-dupe your music collection.
4. Go pick up those prescriptions the drug store's automatic alerting device that's been calling five or six times a day as a 'helpful' reminder even though you told them to shut it off, I can keep track of my own scripts very well, thank you very much...speaking of which...what the hell happened to that resume I sent to Allscripts?
5. Find one of the five copies of your birth certificate you used last month for that other contract gig...and where the hell did my driver's license go?!!?
6. Try to remember if those pictures you finally uploaded to Facebook were the ones I was supposed to upload and not those other ones....
7. Pay the garbage company because it's threatening to stop collection, even though your adult boys forget to take the garbage out two times out of three....
8. Add a piece yo your blog. Try to be funny.
9. Try to get your bum knee working by talking a short walk...remember to stretch first. That walking you did at the grocery store and Sam's club Saturday pretty much blew the good knee out...
10. Screw it. Count the trip into the drug store as your walk.

Jeez. What the hell are you going to this afternoon?

1. 
   

Double Jeopardy with Cheese

I'm back in the networking business again- out where a friend is a friend of a friend of a friend.

Told you I was into folk music! I just folk processed Gene Autry's theme song right in front of you. Folkies call it the folk process. Everybody else calls it stealing (if Arlo Guthrie didn't say that, he certainly inspired me to write it).

Disclosure/CYA: There isn't just one company that does this, I've found, but McDonalds is is notorious for it.

Yeah, I'm hunting for work again.

Reminds of something I didn't complain about before: Disqualifying candidates who are submitted twice to one job.

Here in Chicagoland, we host a lot of large corporations. Most of them use consultants because we're throw away when the executive decisions come down or that particular area can't hire anyone more (they call a job 'head count,' which makes people who use that phrase without smirking, head cases, I think).

These larger organizations pick about a half dozen body shops, sorry, consulting or recruiting firms and, after proper computer connections for hiring and payroll and time logging (yes, payroll and time cards are separate things when you're a consultant- at one place, I had to enter and track my time in three different systems) these body shops are designated as 'preferred.'

Now the 'preferred' body shop....er consulting firm is the only type of firm with which the large corporation will deal. For the company, this reduces payroll and recruiting costs because the body shop... er recruiters are already vetted and on the systems required.

The consulting firm is then placed on an unofficial, off-line discount system, like Captain Kirk's Price Line. Smaller firms go through these preferred firms, discount a few dollars an hour off the contractor's overhead.

This can increases the cost of the contract or reduce the amount the contractor receives.

Guess which one usually happens?

Then, the large firm starts recruiting for itself, knowing that each hire/contract will cost it less than using a recruiting firm.

It also means us job hunters see job...er...'requirement' adds on the job boards with slightly different titles- some radically different- but the exact same requirements. We'll see adds from three sources:

• The company- since it saves even more dough if it hires you.
• Several preferred body shops. These recruiters make sure we know it and it's supposed to mean something to the contractor- trust me, very few of these 'preferred' firms will ever find you the next job. No matter what the recruiter told you when you were considering it. It;s sort of like military recruiting, I guess.
• The independent small or individual firm which funnels candidates through the preferred companies.
• The companies that employee green card holders well before the card holder should be speaking on the phone, much less trying to recruit you.
  

Great deal for the company. Really screws up us job hunters.

Now, to add to this circus, the large company disqualifies candidates who have more than one application for the contract.

Oh yeah, they often open multiple BA slots at the same time. They don't tell you what each opening is for which area-department-building-manager. Many times the job descriptions...sorry...requirements are boilerplate, templated copies.

Nice, hunh?

Now, we learn fast and we can describe your As-Is processes pretty well in a few hours. To-Be may take a while, but by the time those two models are working, we pretty much know your business.

So, why on earth, when some large corporation knows there are a gazillion ads for its one position, would they disqualify a candidate for two or more submissions or the lack of domain (industry) experience?

Industry knowledge can be helpful, but a. most businesses run pretty much the same- scaled, but the basics are all there no matter the company b. the BA is supposed to find requirements, processes, pain points, potential business opportunities and junk and c. It takes us only a few hours to learn and abstract the company's As-Is state...so the designing can get underway.

Seems to me, such HR "experts" would sort of want to pass such a candidate's resume on to the hiring manager. The candidate has been vetted by more than one firm. More than one person thinks the candidate is qualified.

This proves, at least to me, what we've all been thinking about for years:

Human Resources main purpose in the hiring process is to eliminate as many candidates as it can rather than find the most qualified candidate.

Oh yeah, one other thing...your HR software sucks, companies and recruiters-especially you recruiters. I continue to get recruited for: Java Developer, .Net Developer, Project Manager, Compliance Analyst, Help Desk Agent, QA Analyst. The software uses keywords and buzz phrases. Stop It. Or get analytical software with some basic understandings of keywords, searching and finding information. I worked in this area- and your stuff sucks.

Sort of like the way many IT folks use the word 'Agile' as "the next great thing." But that's another rant.

Stay tuned.

How I'm Spending My Spring Vacation

Why me, Lord, what have I ever done?

Kris Kristofferson's song is vibrating in my head this month.

I'm looking for work again.

One company decided spending a couple of million to save almost 100 million wasn't worthwhile.  I'm still having trouble with that one.

The company is going through a really painful transition that puts knowledge workers into projects when the worker's expertise is needed.

I whispered to colleagues that this is exactly what consulting firms have been doing for decades- no reaction- must be all the graphs, town hall meetings and giving everyone at least two bosses.

This paradigm introduces the concept of the 'bench.' This is the 'place' unassigned workers train, chip away at  make-work projects or get laid off. Why should the company employ 67 resnagglers if it only needs 12 reflaggrationers?

That last part wasn't mentioned. I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid.

Even Leaders said the company needs Knowledge Management and consistent governance to do this. At the very least, when Employee A is brought into the project s/he needs to be oriented. So Employee B needs to bring Employee A up to speed (here's where the project business case is located, the project plan is over here, this directory holds all the stuff your predecessor did, etc.).

That means two employees (probably more people since Employee B needs to eat and use the lavatory at times) are tied up for at least half a day just to get the newbie started. If the documents for each project were a. consistent, b. templated  (mebbe even a web form?) and c. easy to find, Employee B would deal with much higher level issues, saving the company a grunch (technical term) of cash.

Nearest I can figure, someone renamed a database a 'knowledgebase,' so the leadership thinks the company already has KM.

Good luck with that.

The next job was a great place to work, wonderful manager- but it was initially a five week contract. I did what you'd expect in the third and fourth weeks and found another gig. when I told my recruiter how great it was working with him and his staff (seriously), he told me the company had just that day requested an extension for me. Jeez. I'd just accepted the new one.

Damn.

Of course, it turns out I should have kept the second contract.

I lasted one week at the third one.

My doctor sent me to the hospital for 'tests' since I was having breathing problems- couldn't make it from the parking garage to my cubicle with out 4 or 5 stops to catch my breath- people asking if I needed help and friends telling me I looked like....um...cah-cah.

Turns out we needed to adjust my atrial fibrillation med a little and needed a shot for arthritis in my left knee (!). I feel fine now and can walk all the way around Sam's Club and Aldi's. I was in one day more than my doc originally schedueled (damn cardiologists). My contract was canceled.

No real complaint from me. The project had to get started.

It's just that I attract this goofy stuff.

So, I'm looking again. My fingers are crossed nothing goofy's going to happen. I'm 24 pound lighter (and continuing- looooong way to go) and I'm mostly not smoking anymore. Very positive stuff.

So if you know of any openings, lemme know, eh?

Agile Shop Feh.

Allstate started terminating many of its contractors a couple of weeks before I bailed in February. The permanent gig thing came very close, only as a result my close friend and boss pushing and shoving masterfully but no one coughed up the cash.

If I told you I can virtually guarantee you a very conservative and documented  gazillion dollars savings per year- would you spend, say, two million?

Me, too.

We suspect there were two reasons none of the executives stepped up to the plate: 1. We weren't visible or showy (we were inundated with work) and 2. Many of those C-Level folks thought they already had Knowledge Management. They don't. They have a template vault and a couple of small databases with really cool names but little functionality. Oh well, it's a shame and would have been a boatload of fun. I hope it changes.

So, my cushy gig at Allstate is about ready to go bye-bye. I revise the old resume and start sending it out. A development shop downtown, using Agile methods, is looking for BAs. Senior BAs. It took about two days for me to find them and them to call me. We did three phone interviews (never, ever again) and I took the job.

I think this one was a record for me: it lasted five and one half hours. They seemed nice when i got there. I was huffing and puffing from the block long walk from Union Station. Being fat and out of shape is a bitch, especially if your knees start doing the funny things mine are.

The deal is, the team donates Thursday and Friday hours learning a new testing tool and we start work and start getting paid on Monday. While this sounded really strange to me (why doncha pay? it's just our policy, whaa? it costs me money to show up, yuh know)

The 'Scrum Master hands me a new Mac in a box like it's a big deal. I gulped and asked if we were doing the project in J2EE? No. Open Source (me: hunh?) Well, um, I probably should be using the same sort of machine the customer is using without having to relearn all that Mac stuff and virtually windowing it in a real hurry and I hate those single mouse buttons- is there a Windows Machine lying around? Strike One.

Scot, do you want Indian food for lunch? No, thanks, I brought my own lunch. Doncha like Indian Food? Um, not really- at least the things I've tried so far. Well the team has voted for Indian food (Mentally slapping my forehead with the palm of my hand, yuh think?). I just smile.  Strike Two.

Now, I'm donating time to learn this really cool plain language tool that creates boundary, functional and regression testing. It's so cool, the developers don't code a thing until the tests are done.

Guess who writes the tests?

Yeah. The BAs.

Only as we go along, I find the 'plain language' is, once again, nothing but pseudo code which needs to be tweaked by the system master. And the phrase mapping makes little sense to me. I look around, I'm the only person on this team who would prefer to use plain language rather than use a glossary/dictionary in creating tests? Yup. Strike Three.

We get held over an extra half hour. I lose the chance to grab an express. The next train's at 6:40. I'm having a diabetic reaction as I huff and puff and rest...huff and puff and get to the station. Let's see....butter rum lifesavers.  I pop 3 in my mouth and look around for a Pepsi.

I have about 30 seconds left in my cell battery, but the wife will pick me up. It's 7:35 in the evening.

I get home, shower and the wife hands me the phone as I crawl down the stairs.

"Scot?" Yeah.
"I left you a message." Sorry, Just got home.
"I've been home for a couple of hours." Oh (I think, 'that's because you live in Northbrook, asshole,. a totally different train line for rich people.' You'd be proud of me, I didn't say one word out loud).
'We're going to have to let you go.' Hunh?
"Yeah, your interpersonal skills and team building abilities weren't what we expected."And you're not going to give me a chance to adapt to your culture, is that it (and you could tell this after only five and a half hours)?
"No, sorry mate." OK. I hang up. I am very, very, very glad.

Wasn't meant to be. I just wish they'd paid me for the humiliating exercise and stopped me before I paid for a month's Metra pass. I can still use the new clothes.

Now, normally, I'd be crawling the walls with worry. Not this time for some reason.

I e-mailed my select network folks. It works right away. A former manager (you starting to see a trend here?) grabbed a peer and lied about me so well, I think the manager with the opening thought i should have a halo or something. Pro-forma interview and we're already talking about the first few projects. It's a five week contract, but she also has a permanent slot. Was I interested in that? Well, put your tongue back in your mouth and we'll talk after a month or so.

I took the job.

It's fun- so much so that if my former boss is successful and creates a f/t perm role, I'm going to have a really tough decision to make.

Friends. It's all about friends and relationships. I feel like I'm a Boy Scout again. Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful (OK, I'm still working on this one),  Thrifty (my wife thinks I'm working on this one), Brave (I have driven to and from Northbrook and Hoffman Estates for many days sand lived to tell the tale), Clean and Reverent (OK, you're right, this last one's problematic, but I try to keep it to myself as much as can by biting my tongue).

Didn't think I'd remember that boy scout stuff, didja? Didn't even use Wikipedia to look it up. Scout's Honor.

Economy Getting Better?

In my case, absolutely.

Last time out looking for work took 22 months.

Since Allstate is allegedly getting rid of hundreds of contractors by the end of this month, I got out. It took three days to find a job in an Agile Shop.

They were horrible communicators so our joint venture lasted exactly five point five hours. What that means, boys and girls, is just because they say they're Agile, it doesn't mean they're nice or understand anything other than team dynamics. Kids, it also means just because you have the title doesn't mean you're first amongst equals. Of course the converse is also true- don't through your weight around.

Funny how much you learn in five and half hours, isn't it?

So going back to Allstate was out (real shame- loved working with those folks and the projects were exciting if not being choked to death by internal politics), better reopen the Monster, Dice and CareerBuilder accounts.

All of a sudden, a 55 year old experienced BA is in demand. in long projects, short projects and permanent full time gigs.

Most of the idiot recruiters seem to have been squeezed out of the market. And I found if you just hang up on people who refuse to leave the script or I have ask "what did you say?" more than three times, you have a fine time.

Is it because you were closer to a job than you used to be which my most immediate past boss maintains?

Partly- people do treat you differently if you have a job. But with 25 million colleagues looking for work through no fault of their own, I'd  hate to think employers are going to be so callous. My time spent in Labor Economics 485 suggests this won't be the case- the supply-demand curve is going to change (and aI hope significantly) over the next weeks.

Am I lucky? I thank that's good portion of it- as the comedian s say 'timing!' companies are starting to gear up and move new development. Which has some real impact for us BAs`, QAs (Quality Assurance professionals- Inspector Number 11 that okayed your underpants for sale), IAs (Information Architects- what BAs write (design and requirements stuff), IAs draw), Change Managers (trainers, implementation architects, Internet Domain experts and engineers).

I'm just hoping it's not a fluke.

And it feels good to be part of Sears' IT again. Good people.

Gulp

I'm seeing things out here in unemployment land that really haven't changed much since my last dalliance:

• HR and hiring managers throw kitchen sinks, bathtubs and 5 gal. bottled water bottles into each and every job listing.
• They're not willing to pay for all that water and our kids are going to take it in the neck. Once I'd like to see realistic requirements...or know which ones are the most important, drop dead gotta have these.
  
• They (the people with the job form) keep calling it a job requirement. A job requirement, you uneducated idiot, is 'needs at least six months experience in JCL,' not 'Business Analyst.'
• And quit trying to cover up Abbott Labs. Uline left Waukegan a couple of months ago and other than Zebra Printers or Washburn Guitars, there's nothing up North except tea-baggers. Abbott doesn't pay contractors a living wage and the front doors should be built on skateboard metal wheels because they can't hold anyone there. Not like figuring out why is rocket science.
  
• The English- challenged refuse to even read the job 'requirement.' I am not a developer you illiterate boilerplate, I am an analyst. Interwoven/Autonomy and Documentum are on my resume showing my abilities in custom portal creation, not revising templates. 

How's that for Senior Business Analysis?

I'm going to hold out for a face 2 face interview this time. I had a five and a half hour session of blood sweat and tears for what I thought was going to be a dream job. Turns out they were ass holes. My fault. Should not have agreed to the gig over the phone.

That said, so far (both days) in this search, I've found four or five really good recruiters.

Sorry.

Recruiters with English as a first language.

I'm a car carrying liberal, but why are these companies putting language challenged people on the phone. Once I say, "I'm fine, how are you?" their script is blow to smithereens and they can't recover. They've lost sales time and they've eliminated still one more e-mail with attachment I could have sent out that no one will read.

The local recruiters feel much more professional- this anecdotal evidence may suggests the fast money idiots are back trying to sell time shares.

I hope so and I hope I'm wrong, but id IS me, right?