Job Hunting Lessons Learned

OK, last job search rant-- I start a new gig on Monday, Finally.

Here's what I learned:

• I need to be comfortable with my resume. Changing job titles or 'punching up' qualifications is dishonest. Screw the recruiter who wants this done.

• Recruiting 'experts' tell you your resume should be one page, no more than two pages, well, you can go to three if you're really qualified but you really need the last ten years. Screw that. I'm a consultant. I do different stuff on different projects. Even edited to the bone my resume takes five pages. My vitae is around 30. Could I edit it? Well, sure. But these HR software programs are looking for keywords and no one knows what those key words are. New resume for each job. Yeah, right.
  

• Each recruiter has the same wind-up and pitch. The good ones are laughing while they do it. There are very few good ones.

• I have never, ever, gotten a job from a downtown Chicago recruiter. Every time they demand I show up, I've wasted gas or train fare and/or parking money- around $40. And you are never reimbursed for it. When you're getting all of $314 per week for unemployment compensation, that takes a lot of nerve. From now on, I'm going to invoice them for my time and cost of travel next time.

• If the hiring manager pauses slightly after you ask about next steps and says "Our process is a little cumbersome...." Hang Up. Immediately.

• Don't get old in a job that pays more than $75K/year- Ageism, it's real.

• Don't be real good in the job you had that paid more than $75K. It means no one will consider you for a lesser gig...anyone see a Catch 22 here?

• A lot of HR people are flakes. Seriously. I think most of them are Psychology Majors.
  

• A lot of hiring managers are worse than their HR staff (see above). I think these people are at the other end of the spectrum: Dilbert.
  

• Does anyone else see the logical flaws in these massive meetings of 'networkers?' Why would I network with people who don't have a job? And am I the only one who feels silly about 'power networking?'
  

I've been told its because they may know something I don't.

Whaaaa?

You're telling me an electrical engineer is going to know when a software development firm is going to hire a BA?

Right.

I'm only going to network with people I really know.

One guy who tracked me down on LinkedIn aid he wanted my input on something and then spent an hour and a half on the phone with me. In boring detail, he told me how to get a job. It was such a good system that he had not only been out of work longer than me, he refused to introduce me to one of his contacts when I actually tried it.

Networking is phony, counterproductive, a waste of time> Worse, it gives you the illusion of actually doing something. Stick with people you actually know.

• The job boards are pretty much populated by body shops. 
• Be careful of what you put on your Dice, Monster or LinkedIn profiles. The bodyshops, like HR software, have no ability discern nuance. I get a lot of matches for an IBM network tool called Tivoli. When I was with OCE-USA, we used a help desk software package called Expert Support. IBM bought the company that made it and put it into the Tivoli product line. Yes, my resume says Tivoli Expert Support.

They also can't read. I still get 'requirements' (when did a job become a requirement? When I became a number instead of a person?) for San Diego, New Jersey, Texas, etc. They want a BA for $25/hour for four years. When I reply and ask them to remove me from their listss, they started getting snippy in the last couple of months. "Well, your resume is on Monster,' or 'But your profile on Dice says...' Yes. It is. It also says I won't relocate...much less do it for $15/hour for a two month contract. What were you thinking?

 Do you know how many times I was called by the same firm for the same job from the same LinkedIn, Monster or Dice Profile? One job resulted in 57 phone calls over two days. Of those, 12 were repeats from four different recruiting forms. And I was already in their systems but they never looked. Can you imagine how much unused horsepower is in those databases? And I actually got into the finals for the gig. And I was into it until the hiring manager told me she wasn't sure if he'd promote from within or take somebody from the outside. And the job is a technical support role, not what I advertised(for a BA). I'm till waiting to hear from her. Not.

• There's a new business model out there- job sites are getting 'exclusive' listings and want cash money to let you see them. Some of them have free 'memberships' with 'basic' responses (JobFox, Ladders) and have unusually bad interfaces (JobFox- if the site has identified more than a couple of jobs for you, you're gonna be on line for a looooong time. And why is it I found more roles searching on aggregators than on the 'profile' on JobFox?).

• And what's the deal with the date resets, Dice? CareerBuilder? When you reset dates, a lot of us think there are new listings, when in fact, you're wasting our time. Stop it.

• Monster- didja have to go to flash? Taking a screen shot with EverNote is now impossible. And the log in i a pain in the neck. Stop it.
  

• The only good way I see of hiring anyone is to get a prospect vetted by an upper level whatever (BA, PM, Developer, Architect, etc.) and then either test the candidate or let me demonstrate what I can do for you. No one did that. I've had phone screens with development leads, Project Managers, Chief Information Officers, Chief Technology Officers, president, HR generalists and 'other team members.' I'm sorry. Once or twice I had a BA interview.
  

The answers are:

Hidden Requirements you never seem to be able to track down. Someone in Detroit has all of them neatly typewritten and three days before you're off the project he says, "oh, didja want that?'(Question: What's the hardest thing facing a BA?)

A simple abstraction of the process- in a step action table, it includes at least one identified Actor (human or system) with a quantifiable goal. The title should be Verb-Predicate with a unique number from a consistent naming convention. Oh yeah- success and failure states would be nice with an overview and context explanation. You also need at least one color graphic for the managers). NOTE:  Nobody ever reads it. (Question: What' a Use Case)

A quantifiable , 3-4 sentence abstract feature description with tests to determine if the feature is complete and is used to start the discussion between the developer and the end user. Can be placed on a 4x6 Card (Note: seems the Agile Book Authors have asked the Commissioner and 4 x 6 is the official card size) or on a wiki page. (Question: What is a User Story?)

An unidentified, highly educated and emotional visionary whose ideas kept coming and coming and coming. I shunted the visionary into a wiki Blog to capture the ideas and put them in the backlog and explained the process and why we had to concentrate on this small part of the project now so the business requirements would be met (Who was your worse client and how did you handle it?)

So how did I get my new job? I didn't. A close friend had a major project dumped on her at the right time, which allowed her to hire me for the third time. Not really kismet- someone who knows me, knows what I can do for her and her company (actually, my client company, now) on what I expect to be a major enterprise project.

Can't wait.

OK, let's get back to work and Analyzing Business!