Agile isn't Agile Anymore: It's Just a Buzzword Now

A project manager recently brought me into a short term, major project. The PM wanted the team to use a process and she wanted to use some form of Agile. Which I think was the reason I got the contract.

We discussed the form of Agile she wanted to do and I devised and VISOed (yeah, that's a word now) the process in short, simple steps.

The Devs were all over it. Loving the fact there would be honest-to-gosh written requirements.

So the first week I had the audacity of talking to a developer for all of 15 minutes getting a baaseline on a particularly clumsy feature.

I was told not to talk to the developers because the time zoomed up to two hours and this was "non-productive" time.

I asked a question in one of the meetings with a business stakeholder. This resulted in me no longer having direct access to the business.

Each kick-off had the devs reading the user stories for the upcoming sprint during the  kick-off. Since I didn't have any real contact with anyone other than the PM, my ardent request for the dev team to take a half day to read the user stories and funnel in the questions and suggestions to me for correction or change never happened.

The stand-up meetings often had developers working out problems making the call 30-45 minutes long. Yes, I told them to tell the rest of use what they did the day before, what they were going to do today and describe any obstacle. No minutes, no punch list, no accountability until the kick-off of the next sprint.

We did exactly one retrospective. SO there was no process improvement.

Had I been able to talk to the developers, Epics would have been identified before they reached the Proposed Features List for the next sprint. As a result, there were 8 user stories that spanned not one, not two, but three or more sprints. This made the burn-down chart an idiotic tool of no use. Yes, I posted it to the wiki Sprint Page anyway.

There was no 'alpha' testing after a feature was completed because I didn't have access to the latest build. The code was supposed to be integrated and regression tested for each build (.Net environment using JQuery) for the supported browsers, but we got feedback that some features didn't work in IE (all of us appeared to use Firefox and only Firefox except for the designer who wasn't testing.

The outsourced UAT Team (none of whom I was able to speak to) was supposed to take the user stories and test each Acceptance Criteria (user story test),

Who's on Your Team?

English: Lima Lima Flight team performing at Thunder over Louisville. Thunder opens a two week celebration which ends with the Kentucky Derby, on the first Saturday in May. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Friend of the Blog, Team Clock, issued an interesting challenge at Team Clock. Go ahead. Read it. I'll wait here.

Done? Cool.

OK, here's my take.

What Team Clock proposes in this exercise is exactly, I mean exactly the same exercise I did when I was writing several versions of a news story. Back in the day.

I told beginning reporters to grab a piece of paper and put the slug (title) in the center of the paper inside a circle. If the story was a win/lose I told the reporter to put all the winners on one side of the paper and all the losers on the other. Neutrals go underneath.

For a preview or non-confrontation (yes, I wrote a lot of non-confrontational stories back when News was News and listeners weren't thumping their chests) I told the reporter to just write down all the roles, titles, organizations and sorts of people directly and indirectly affected by a story (notice that Fox News and the Chicago Tribune?  the difference between affect and effect as a verb?).

When the simple exercise  was complete, I looked directly into the cub reporter's eyes and said, and I'm quoting here, "Now you have absolutely no excuse - you should be able to come up with at least six leads for each story, all you need to do is write the first sentence from the perspective of one of your circles."

I do this today when I'm researching or planning a project. Knowing the players, the relationships (well, at least the outward relationships) and the org. chart are big helps when writing Risk and Risk Mitigation Plans, emailing lists (the execs get the red-yellow-green light summaries, the managers get the executive summary and the team members all get access to the full report (it's on the wiki)  It helps manage expectations (the sales department wants an all purple and red motif to generate interest, marketing wants the company colors [Black and White], program management wants to be able to re-skin it to any color they want- backgrounds, text, font, everything and the department manager and project manager want it all- within the deadline and under budget.

Competing and dynamic interests that all need to be addressed and satisfied.

Then you know who's on your team.
 Related articles

• Team Clock

No Freaking Wonder Health Care Costs are Sky High

Item: Shoes without internal seams needed for my big ass feet. My feet hurt.

Go to Podiatrist (nice guy), says I need diabetic shoes.

Go to an orthopedist on my plan.

Diabetic Shoes at Orthopedist: $200.00 for Shoes, $200 each for 'orthodontics.' $800.

Orthodontics? $200 and I need 3 sets? Why?

"Because they wear out." Duh, but OK, I've worn my $100 chiropractor-fitted orthodontics for about five years now and the glue holding the spongy-junk on top is disconnecting with the leather bottom.

These $200 shoes are wide enough, right? "Yes."

Wait two weeks (!)

The orthodontics are 1/4" flat pads.

I look questioningly at the orthopedist, "they'll shape with your foot."
I explain to this health care 'professional,' this is not an orthodontic. You didn't taker a cast of my feet while I was standing, they're not blue, they're not about  1/2" thick rubber-link material for cushioning.

These are 1/10th inch felt. If I wanted them to mold to my foot, I'd buy clay. I want something that'll help my posture and my aching back.

"They are what they are, Mr. Witt."


If I hear that stupid line one more time....
The shoes are too narrow.They're rubbing against my outer toes,

"We got you the widest they make."

I told you three times I have really wide feet.

"We can put them on the widening machine."

Hold it.

I saw that episode of the Dick Van Dyke Show, you're going to use a broom.

"No, it's a real machine."

Lemme see it.

"Sorry, insurance won't cover you in the machine room."

Yeah. Right. All right. Give it try. OK.

 (Ten minutes pass to the second).

I try them on again.

They're still rubbing my left foot.

My left foot has been almost totally numb for more than a year. This is one reason I want good shoes.

Some vertical bra is pushing on a emphatic node in my back, squeezing the nervous system until it bleeds nerves. Or something...

So my bad foot feels like the shoe doesn't fit. They're $200 shoes...$300 if you count the fancy felt lining.

Right. Send the $800 shoes back.

"We already billed and received the claim from your insurance."

Then send them a refund.

I had to call Blue Cross because those thieves actually made the claim before I got the shoes and that company's claim was already posted to my account. It felt like going to the neurologist. I felt he was more interested in my co-pay than in my back and neuropathy.

  Figure 1a: You thought I was kidding, didnja?

Yeah. Kinda like going to a chiropractor- when you call for an appointment no a days, they want your VISA number before they'll even set up an appointment.
I am sooooo glad there's a new university out my way making more of these people.

Palmer method my ass.

Well, we could write these things off as bad egg, but I needed a new strap for my Sleep Mask.

I went in, showed the receptionist the strap.

It only fits only one style of A-PAP/C-PAP mask. Sleep Apnea machine stuff. It works.

The mask keeps slipping off even when the strap worked.

She typed for 45 minutes.

I use a keyboard all day. Never for that length of time. Never stopped for a breath.

I said, Really? for a $5 strap?

"I was billing your insurance."

But I haven't bought anything yet.

"Oh, you're self-paying?"

I suppose you can call it that.

In olden days we called it retail commerce.

I give you money and you give me what I picked out.

(ten more minutes of typing).

"That'll be $38.12, please."

How much?

"$38.12"

Really?

"That's what the computer says."

No, really, this is only two cut bands of elastic cut in a V with velcro ends.

"Yes, Mr. Witt, I know. That'll be $38.12"

Thanks, but no thanks.

The reason they can get away with this crap is because someone else is paying the freight. And because someone else is paying for it, no one gets indignant, combative or huffy or outraged (like me). Our third party payers threw in the towel years ago.

It's not like I was buying syringes or, forgive me, alcohol wipes. The mail order pharmacy charges $10/box. I found them this morning at Walgreen's for $2.67. Why dies it cost $10 for alcohol-soaked paper in tin foil?
So, I'm going to ask my wife to sew two pieces of elastic together and plop Velcro on the ends.

I bought the Walgreen's wipes because I'm too lazy to find the cotton puffballs and the alcohol bottle ion the linen closet.

And I found seamless shoes at SAS for $525 less than the price at the orthopedist. They were made in San Antonio by Americans. And they fit.  And I didn't pay extra for the Velcro.
www.sasshoes.com.

This is my second pair...the first pair bit the dust about a year ago. Nine years after I bought 'em. They are the most comfortable shoes made...and they can fit most anyone.
Is it any wonder we needed health care reform? Or that so many people can't afford it because if these silly prices.
Bah. Humbug.

Related articles, courtesy of Zemanta:

• Family foot health
• Feet
• The ultimate shoe

CBAP and Me: Why I'll Have to be Dragged Kicking and Screaming to Study for that Test

It must be me. Companies are all piling on and requiring CBAP (Certified Business Analyst Professional), offered by the IIBA (International Institute of Business Analysis). Check this out: IIBA CBAP Stuff.

Excellent work (I surmise it's from the IIBA BOK or Body of Knowledge) and an interesting summary of requirements gathering.

See, this is why I didn't take the PMI (Project Management Institute) test for PMP (Project Management Professional) . After going through the boot camp and finding out what that test was really all about, I didn't say no, I said Hell No.

That test is a measure of how much you can memorize about processes and procedures you wouldn't use on a project in a million years. Yes, having a methodology is a good thing since it can be the backbone of projects you come into cold. But more often, the PMs I see using the PMBOK (Project Management Body of Knowledge) are much more concerned about keeping their Microsoft project plan nice and neat and pretty much leaves the real work to the project team.

Obviously there are exceptions and there are some really dynamic PMs around.

So I looked over the CBAP requirements.

Modeled on PMI. It takes about three days just to finish the application.

So I really have to wonder if memorizing really tells your client or your end user that you are an effective and ethical BA. Wouldn't previous folks with which I've worked be a better read on how well I do my job?

Is this CBAP stuff going to help me create a gaps analysis? Vision Statement, Statement of Work, Status Report?

Will it certify I can help a developer on a spike/sprite and research quickly and efficiently?

And what will a CBAP certificate on my desk (we don't have walls or cubes) certify I can write an acceptance criteria on a User Story? Identify controls with the UxD expert? Model Workflows? Group the workflows into scenarios with the designer? Setting up a a one to one mapping of my Actors to her Personnas?
And, oh yeah, I'm hearing these certificates are now good for Agile methods.

I think mentoring folks who want to become BAs is a better idea. Have them, I dunno, research and write some use cases? Listen to how they question end users and stakeholders- create questionaires- create a risk or a couple of communications plans. During the project are they quickly and efficiently revising the artifacts?  Are they doing sanity checks against the end user and business requirements?

So instead of memorizing, I'll learn what my client needs, how the end users will use the software, run JAD (Joint Application Design) meetings and work with the UxD expert to figure out how we're going to meet the stakeholder's requirements in the best way for end users.

In Agile, everyone on the team can and do help out where ever they can. I'll do that and help let the Devs develop.

I think that kind of study time is well spent.

Agile in a Regulated Environment

Now, I don't know what happened when the Initiation phase was done a year ago this month, but I know what I've been doing since October on this project for a healthcare hardware maker.

It's been a while since I was exposed to FDA and HealthCanada and European Common Market regulation- and even then, it was a glancing blow- for medical gases- pretty straight forward.

With testing equipment, the load's a lot different.

The Agile Principal:

"The most efficient and effective method of
conveying information to and within a development
team is face-to-face conversation."

Is pretty much thrown out the window. Like Waterfall, paper seems to be king.

So we adapted. We put all the User Stories, comments, hazard analysis and developer notes on database changeson our wiki. A junior team member goes up to the wiki, picks a User Story, then uses  a <ctrl><a> and <ctrl><c> to save it in the clipboard then<,ctrl><v> to push it to a  Word template, clean it up and then go back for all those nice pictures the devs and managers like (because they never read the tests- sorry- Acceptance Criteria; actually, we have one dev who really reads the stories- shocked the bejesus out of me). Curse me for making Work Flow Diagrams!

Then, we add the title to a spreadsheet template with 6 to 12 bazillion acceptance signatures. Seriously. Signatures. And we get 'em, too! Then save 'em, batch print them to annoy non-project staff.

Add a test case result sheet from the QA guys (who are the only others who actually read the stories- sorry, this a class project; there's someone else who actually reads the stories, we have an actual tech writer stealing hours from my time card), a paper clip and then it gets scanned into some other application that actually freezes the User Story's state and requires an Act of Congress for a change.

This also scares me. I don't spell that well, my grammar's off sometimes when I forget 7th grade sentence parceing and I forget stuff when I'm getting whipsawed while writing a story-editing the one from last month the to which the QA team got (how's that fer grammar, eh?)-seeing my product owner making the mistake of walking by so I can grab him for just a few questions- redoing what the QA wanted me to do because he called me on a quick change instead a comlete job- and a dev asking me questions about a story written a month ago.

So, you're likely to see a few numbering, um, issues and a single word from a previous requirement I forgot to delete. My editor, who happens to be the Risk Analyst and the fellow that wrote the original version of this software, just caught two more of my , er, issues.

So the big changes the team had to make are:

• Realize we have throwback to the Waterfall/Iterative demand that 'Documentation is King.'  We created a process that isn't too heinous, but keeps the stories short, to the point and on the wiki as the primary story keeper while meeting our customer's documentation requirements.
• Sign-offs are not a simple head nod in this environment. In fact, sign-offs are worse than Waterfall.
• When you do the sign-offs after implementation (and after the head nod), it becomes a paperwork process you can hand off to a junior level team member so it doesn't get in the way.
• HIPPA, Good Manufacturing Practice. The Regulatory Guy (Gal) is the king after you meet the business needs.
• Scot needs a remedial English Course. You don't gotta know how to spell in radio.
  

Good News!

So I was notified my services would not be required as of October 1 on September 23.

On September 27, the fellow who taught me how BAs fit into Agile Development (yeah, I capitalized it, wanna make sumpin of it?) calls me in the evening, after work.

We exchange pleaseantries and he asks if I'd be interested in working on a potentially Huge Project (yeah, I did it again, didn't I?) downtown for a non-profit.

Now, I hate communting into the city for any reason. Besides being a big guy (OK. I'm fat), one knee has arthitis I found out four months ago) and the other's patella (knee cap-pretty cool that I knew that- I watch Bones) is improperly placed all of a sudden (which I found out on the same visit).  Then the left foot went numb- the MRI (Magnetic Resonance Something or Other- I'm on a roll, no?) says two important disks are either pinching or something. Oh yeah, you have mild neuropathy (duh, I'm diabetic)- surgery really isn't an option- go get PT (Physical Therapy- this medical stuiff just rolls off my tongue, doesn't it?), that'll be $750 please.

Well- that's why I hated going into the city, I thought as I mildly said, "Hell yeah," to my former and now current boss-guy. But for the rate, I guess I can take a cab,

Just like last time I worked at Pathfinder (the other names change by the phase of the moon- first it was Pathfinder Associates [PFA]- that changed to Pathfinder Development [PFD] after I was 'flipped' from contracter to employee (they don't have to pay me as much, but I get paid holidays) and now it's (I think) Pathfinder Software [PFS]). That marketing stuff is better handled by the experts, not moi.

So I went downtown exactly once. The two hugely intelligent guys doing the rationale for revamping the non-profit's IT Architecture pretty much handled it exquistely. I did some wiki stuff that nobody will use- just like 2005-1008.

And just like 2005-2008, another project desperately needed help, and I got assigned. It was originally for three days a week, but the non-profit project won't need me until the overall project gets approved and my company gets a piece of it (happy assumptions here).

So I'm working with a, as per usual for PFA/D/S, superb team with an exteremely talented whipper-snapper Project Manager (he can't be a day over 20 even if he graduated at Georgia Tech with a Masters and worked there for a number of years and has two kids). The project is exceedinlgy complex as a result of business requirements (pretty much standard for all the projects I've worked on).

But it's supposed to go through January- probably even longer since it's health related and there's a lot of FDA junk that needs to be done.

While I'm happy as a pig in...um..er...you know, I still can't figger out how the hell I dumbly get assigned to projects with really smart people. Blind luck? Probably....

Update

So my time at large financial company is over. Like October 1.

The time was well spent in a cool project. Except:

• How can you create a new user look and feel when you've already coded, marketed and have begun user instructions when half the application before you hire the UxD or BA contractors, and then demand they adhere to non-existent control and design standards?
• Why does the head honcho not know such a major overhaul requires an As-Is snap shot to make certain the requirement "All previous version functionalities must be present in the new version" is met?
• How can you deal with a project manager that asks contracting companies, half way through the project, to prepare bids without budget requirements and on what basis the company will choose its contracting team.

Yeah. My team lost.

Oh well. I got paid, I created some useful, if convoluted, requirements and diagrams. And worked with some really sharp people.

Since I don't have to support the application on implementation, I'd say it was a fair trade. But I feel bad for the folks that have to stay.

Down and Dirty Baseline

Management wants As-Is documentation for its existing application. It handles billions of dollars each month. And the developers have already started working on the Manufacturer side of the application and want a lot of code and reporting re-use. I'm with the Dealer side.

Coding starts in mid August.

How to get this done was the first meeting I attended after my company laptop was issued and I found my cube int he farm.

I suggested a light weight requirements process- a description of current functionality, a screen capture, a process flow activity diagram and functional descriptions we can infer from playing with the application. Once these "use cases" are complete, we'll walk SMEs through them to correct errors, add stuff we had no clue about and the like.

We will have the required baseline done in a very short period. Enough to do a Gaps Analysis of Version 1 compared to plans for Version 2.

So far we've created a "use case" number and title for each major major page and cross referenced to menus.

It seems to be working- at least the boss is very happy check marks in the tracker are increasing in quantity and the 'now published' announcement e-mails are coming a lot faster. The BA team has access to the QA/Development environment. I got the Create User doc done in about a day and a half. The current system, as you'd expect, has had several changes over the years and is, um, complicated.

Abstraction is a wonderful thing.

Since Create User is the first major design issue, I'm already talking about Version 2.0 with the IA/Designer as I delve deeper into this really cool piece of work that has combined two or three legacy applications and several upgrade security tools. This archeological stuff is interesting. The boss is a SME and quite amazing himself. So this isn't going to be the cluster ***k it could have been.

I'll letcha know. This Agile stuff works great. But of course, you and I already knew that.

Scary, Kids, Scarry!

<I've added a few musical touches, tell if you like/hate them>

OK, County Floyd from SCTV, I'm officially creep-ed out.

Google's new 'social networking' tool, Google+ is crawling around our computers. See PC World Article for background.

(upbeat banjo licks)

My own moment of clarity came about two weeks ago. I got a message concerning Google's new two part security system. There was a big hack job a few weeks ago and this was Google's answer.

(organ mystery stab)

The new system requires you to use a second password to get to your Google stuff. I set it up from my laptop and  Android Smartphone (which really isn't smart at all...but that's a different rant you can expect in the days to come). Worked great the first time I did it.

(heavy timpani role)

Then I programmed my password manager to handle the duties.

(Theramun stuff like in The Day The Earth Stood Still)  Yeah, it's a real instrument played with your hands weaving in and around an antenna looking thingie. Some say it was the first electronic instrument.

Anyway, back to our story!

Dummy me.

I did it from the smartphone.

(another organ stab)

See, the new system makes you download a new password generator app on your phone.

(Banjo up and under the next paragraph)

So you gotta log into Goggle, then your phone and then generate a second password the laptop site is demanding.

Hurry Up,. though! (banjo speeds up) You have only a couple of minutes to use it!

(banjo stops abruptly, timpani increase rhythm and under...)

And yes, you have to log out of Google on your phone, generate a new code, copy it, go back into Google and use the second password before it expires.

Have you ever tried to do anything fast on one of these touch pad keyboards? (Spike Jones something or other)  It's like trying to use a bat with cooking mittens on.

I did this on a Saturday. I needed Google Maps on Sunday. On my phone.

As soon as I got home, I ran everything back to default.

So, problems with Google+ don't surprise me in the least. And I'm getting worried about the smartphone I bought.

It uses Android (the cut down LINUX operating system), made by Google.

(Descending trumpet wah-wah's)

Ten Things You Can Do While Waiting for the New Contract to Start

Let's see:

1. Respond to all the nudges in your Facebook games.
2. Figure out how to load those pictures from your phone to Facebook, or Flicker or...
3. De-dupe your music collection.
4. Go pick up those prescriptions the drug store's automatic alerting device that's been calling five or six times a day as a 'helpful' reminder even though you told them to shut it off, I can keep track of my own scripts very well, thank you very much...speaking of which...what the hell happened to that resume I sent to Allscripts?
5. Find one of the five copies of your birth certificate you used last month for that other contract gig...and where the hell did my driver's license go?!!?
6. Try to remember if those pictures you finally uploaded to Facebook were the ones I was supposed to upload and not those other ones....
7. Pay the garbage company because it's threatening to stop collection, even though your adult boys forget to take the garbage out two times out of three....
8. Add a piece yo your blog. Try to be funny.
9. Try to get your bum knee working by talking a short walk...remember to stretch first. That walking you did at the grocery store and Sam's club Saturday pretty much blew the good knee out...
10. Screw it. Count the trip into the drug store as your walk.

Jeez. What the hell are you going to this afternoon?

1. 
   

Double Jeopardy with Cheese

I'm back in the networking business again- out where a friend is a friend of a friend of a friend.

Told you I was into folk music! I just folk processed Gene Autry's theme song right in front of you. Folkies call it the folk process. Everybody else calls it stealing (if Arlo Guthrie didn't say that, he certainly inspired me to write it).

Disclosure/CYA: There isn't just one company that does this, I've found, but McDonalds is is notorious for it.

Yeah, I'm hunting for work again.

Reminds of something I didn't complain about before: Disqualifying candidates who are submitted twice to one job.

Here in Chicagoland, we host a lot of large corporations. Most of them use consultants because we're throw away when the executive decisions come down or that particular area can't hire anyone more (they call a job 'head count,' which makes people who use that phrase without smirking, head cases, I think).

These larger organizations pick about a half dozen body shops, sorry, consulting or recruiting firms and, after proper computer connections for hiring and payroll and time logging (yes, payroll and time cards are separate things when you're a consultant- at one place, I had to enter and track my time in three different systems) these body shops are designated as 'preferred.'

Now the 'preferred' body shop....er consulting firm is the only type of firm with which the large corporation will deal. For the company, this reduces payroll and recruiting costs because the body shop... er recruiters are already vetted and on the systems required.

The consulting firm is then placed on an unofficial, off-line discount system, like Captain Kirk's Price Line. Smaller firms go through these preferred firms, discount a few dollars an hour off the contractor's overhead.

This can increases the cost of the contract or reduce the amount the contractor receives.

Guess which one usually happens?

Then, the large firm starts recruiting for itself, knowing that each hire/contract will cost it less than using a recruiting firm.

It also means us job hunters see job...er...'requirement' adds on the job boards with slightly different titles- some radically different- but the exact same requirements. We'll see adds from three sources:

• The company- since it saves even more dough if it hires you.
• Several preferred body shops. These recruiters make sure we know it and it's supposed to mean something to the contractor- trust me, very few of these 'preferred' firms will ever find you the next job. No matter what the recruiter told you when you were considering it. It;s sort of like military recruiting, I guess.
• The independent small or individual firm which funnels candidates through the preferred companies.
• The companies that employee green card holders well before the card holder should be speaking on the phone, much less trying to recruit you.
  

Great deal for the company. Really screws up us job hunters.

Now, to add to this circus, the large company disqualifies candidates who have more than one application for the contract.

Oh yeah, they often open multiple BA slots at the same time. They don't tell you what each opening is for which area-department-building-manager. Many times the job descriptions...sorry...requirements are boilerplate, templated copies.

Nice, hunh?

Now, we learn fast and we can describe your As-Is processes pretty well in a few hours. To-Be may take a while, but by the time those two models are working, we pretty much know your business.

So, why on earth, when some large corporation knows there are a gazillion ads for its one position, would they disqualify a candidate for two or more submissions or the lack of domain (industry) experience?

Industry knowledge can be helpful, but a. most businesses run pretty much the same- scaled, but the basics are all there no matter the company b. the BA is supposed to find requirements, processes, pain points, potential business opportunities and junk and c. It takes us only a few hours to learn and abstract the company's As-Is state...so the designing can get underway.

Seems to me, such HR "experts" would sort of want to pass such a candidate's resume on to the hiring manager. The candidate has been vetted by more than one firm. More than one person thinks the candidate is qualified.

This proves, at least to me, what we've all been thinking about for years:

Human Resources main purpose in the hiring process is to eliminate as many candidates as it can rather than find the most qualified candidate.

Oh yeah, one other thing...your HR software sucks, companies and recruiters-especially you recruiters. I continue to get recruited for: Java Developer, .Net Developer, Project Manager, Compliance Analyst, Help Desk Agent, QA Analyst. The software uses keywords and buzz phrases. Stop It. Or get analytical software with some basic understandings of keywords, searching and finding information. I worked in this area- and your stuff sucks.

Sort of like the way many IT folks use the word 'Agile' as "the next great thing." But that's another rant.

Stay tuned.

How I'm Spending My Spring Vacation

Why me, Lord, what have I ever done?

Kris Kristofferson's song is vibrating in my head this month.

I'm looking for work again.

One company decided spending a couple of million to save almost 100 million wasn't worthwhile.  I'm still having trouble with that one.

The company is going through a really painful transition that puts knowledge workers into projects when the worker's expertise is needed.

I whispered to colleagues that this is exactly what consulting firms have been doing for decades- no reaction- must be all the graphs, town hall meetings and giving everyone at least two bosses.

This paradigm introduces the concept of the 'bench.' This is the 'place' unassigned workers train, chip away at  make-work projects or get laid off. Why should the company employ 67 resnagglers if it only needs 12 reflaggrationers?

That last part wasn't mentioned. I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid.

Even Leaders said the company needs Knowledge Management and consistent governance to do this. At the very least, when Employee A is brought into the project s/he needs to be oriented. So Employee B needs to bring Employee A up to speed (here's where the project business case is located, the project plan is over here, this directory holds all the stuff your predecessor did, etc.).

That means two employees (probably more people since Employee B needs to eat and use the lavatory at times) are tied up for at least half a day just to get the newbie started. If the documents for each project were a. consistent, b. templated  (mebbe even a web form?) and c. easy to find, Employee B would deal with much higher level issues, saving the company a grunch (technical term) of cash.

Nearest I can figure, someone renamed a database a 'knowledgebase,' so the leadership thinks the company already has KM.

Good luck with that.

The next job was a great place to work, wonderful manager- but it was initially a five week contract. I did what you'd expect in the third and fourth weeks and found another gig. when I told my recruiter how great it was working with him and his staff (seriously), he told me the company had just that day requested an extension for me. Jeez. I'd just accepted the new one.

Damn.

Of course, it turns out I should have kept the second contract.

I lasted one week at the third one.

My doctor sent me to the hospital for 'tests' since I was having breathing problems- couldn't make it from the parking garage to my cubicle with out 4 or 5 stops to catch my breath- people asking if I needed help and friends telling me I looked like....um...cah-cah.

Turns out we needed to adjust my atrial fibrillation med a little and needed a shot for arthritis in my left knee (!). I feel fine now and can walk all the way around Sam's Club and Aldi's. I was in one day more than my doc originally schedueled (damn cardiologists). My contract was canceled.

No real complaint from me. The project had to get started.

It's just that I attract this goofy stuff.

So, I'm looking again. My fingers are crossed nothing goofy's going to happen. I'm 24 pound lighter (and continuing- looooong way to go) and I'm mostly not smoking anymore. Very positive stuff.

So if you know of any openings, lemme know, eh?

Agile Shop Feh.

Allstate started terminating many of its contractors a couple of weeks before I bailed in February. The permanent gig thing came very close, only as a result my close friend and boss pushing and shoving masterfully but no one coughed up the cash.

If I told you I can virtually guarantee you a very conservative and documented  gazillion dollars savings per year- would you spend, say, two million?

Me, too.

We suspect there were two reasons none of the executives stepped up to the plate: 1. We weren't visible or showy (we were inundated with work) and 2. Many of those C-Level folks thought they already had Knowledge Management. They don't. They have a template vault and a couple of small databases with really cool names but little functionality. Oh well, it's a shame and would have been a boatload of fun. I hope it changes.

So, my cushy gig at Allstate is about ready to go bye-bye. I revise the old resume and start sending it out. A development shop downtown, using Agile methods, is looking for BAs. Senior BAs. It took about two days for me to find them and them to call me. We did three phone interviews (never, ever again) and I took the job.

I think this one was a record for me: it lasted five and one half hours. They seemed nice when i got there. I was huffing and puffing from the block long walk from Union Station. Being fat and out of shape is a bitch, especially if your knees start doing the funny things mine are.

The deal is, the team donates Thursday and Friday hours learning a new testing tool and we start work and start getting paid on Monday. While this sounded really strange to me (why doncha pay? it's just our policy, whaa? it costs me money to show up, yuh know)

The 'Scrum Master hands me a new Mac in a box like it's a big deal. I gulped and asked if we were doing the project in J2EE? No. Open Source (me: hunh?) Well, um, I probably should be using the same sort of machine the customer is using without having to relearn all that Mac stuff and virtually windowing it in a real hurry and I hate those single mouse buttons- is there a Windows Machine lying around? Strike One.

Scot, do you want Indian food for lunch? No, thanks, I brought my own lunch. Doncha like Indian Food? Um, not really- at least the things I've tried so far. Well the team has voted for Indian food (Mentally slapping my forehead with the palm of my hand, yuh think?). I just smile.  Strike Two.

Now, I'm donating time to learn this really cool plain language tool that creates boundary, functional and regression testing. It's so cool, the developers don't code a thing until the tests are done.

Guess who writes the tests?

Yeah. The BAs.

Only as we go along, I find the 'plain language' is, once again, nothing but pseudo code which needs to be tweaked by the system master. And the phrase mapping makes little sense to me. I look around, I'm the only person on this team who would prefer to use plain language rather than use a glossary/dictionary in creating tests? Yup. Strike Three.

We get held over an extra half hour. I lose the chance to grab an express. The next train's at 6:40. I'm having a diabetic reaction as I huff and puff and rest...huff and puff and get to the station. Let's see....butter rum lifesavers.  I pop 3 in my mouth and look around for a Pepsi.

I have about 30 seconds left in my cell battery, but the wife will pick me up. It's 7:35 in the evening.

I get home, shower and the wife hands me the phone as I crawl down the stairs.

"Scot?" Yeah.
"I left you a message." Sorry, Just got home.
"I've been home for a couple of hours." Oh (I think, 'that's because you live in Northbrook, asshole,. a totally different train line for rich people.' You'd be proud of me, I didn't say one word out loud).
'We're going to have to let you go.' Hunh?
"Yeah, your interpersonal skills and team building abilities weren't what we expected."And you're not going to give me a chance to adapt to your culture, is that it (and you could tell this after only five and a half hours)?
"No, sorry mate." OK. I hang up. I am very, very, very glad.

Wasn't meant to be. I just wish they'd paid me for the humiliating exercise and stopped me before I paid for a month's Metra pass. I can still use the new clothes.

Now, normally, I'd be crawling the walls with worry. Not this time for some reason.

I e-mailed my select network folks. It works right away. A former manager (you starting to see a trend here?) grabbed a peer and lied about me so well, I think the manager with the opening thought i should have a halo or something. Pro-forma interview and we're already talking about the first few projects. It's a five week contract, but she also has a permanent slot. Was I interested in that? Well, put your tongue back in your mouth and we'll talk after a month or so.

I took the job.

It's fun- so much so that if my former boss is successful and creates a f/t perm role, I'm going to have a really tough decision to make.

Friends. It's all about friends and relationships. I feel like I'm a Boy Scout again. Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful (OK, I'm still working on this one),  Thrifty (my wife thinks I'm working on this one), Brave (I have driven to and from Northbrook and Hoffman Estates for many days sand lived to tell the tale), Clean and Reverent (OK, you're right, this last one's problematic, but I try to keep it to myself as much as can by biting my tongue).

Didn't think I'd remember that boy scout stuff, didja? Didn't even use Wikipedia to look it up. Scout's Honor.

Economy Getting Better?

In my case, absolutely.

Last time out looking for work took 22 months.

Since Allstate is allegedly getting rid of hundreds of contractors by the end of this month, I got out. It took three days to find a job in an Agile Shop.

They were horrible communicators so our joint venture lasted exactly five point five hours. What that means, boys and girls, is just because they say they're Agile, it doesn't mean they're nice or understand anything other than team dynamics. Kids, it also means just because you have the title doesn't mean you're first amongst equals. Of course the converse is also true- don't through your weight around.

Funny how much you learn in five and half hours, isn't it?

So going back to Allstate was out (real shame- loved working with those folks and the projects were exciting if not being choked to death by internal politics), better reopen the Monster, Dice and CareerBuilder accounts.

All of a sudden, a 55 year old experienced BA is in demand. in long projects, short projects and permanent full time gigs.

Most of the idiot recruiters seem to have been squeezed out of the market. And I found if you just hang up on people who refuse to leave the script or I have ask "what did you say?" more than three times, you have a fine time.

Is it because you were closer to a job than you used to be which my most immediate past boss maintains?

Partly- people do treat you differently if you have a job. But with 25 million colleagues looking for work through no fault of their own, I'd  hate to think employers are going to be so callous. My time spent in Labor Economics 485 suggests this won't be the case- the supply-demand curve is going to change (and aI hope significantly) over the next weeks.

Am I lucky? I thank that's good portion of it- as the comedian s say 'timing!' companies are starting to gear up and move new development. Which has some real impact for us BAs`, QAs (Quality Assurance professionals- Inspector Number 11 that okayed your underpants for sale), IAs (Information Architects- what BAs write (design and requirements stuff), IAs draw), Change Managers (trainers, implementation architects, Internet Domain experts and engineers).

I'm just hoping it's not a fluke.

And it feels good to be part of Sears' IT again. Good people.

Gulp

I'm seeing things out here in unemployment land that really haven't changed much since my last dalliance:

• HR and hiring managers throw kitchen sinks, bathtubs and 5 gal. bottled water bottles into each and every job listing.
• They're not willing to pay for all that water and our kids are going to take it in the neck. Once I'd like to see realistic requirements...or know which ones are the most important, drop dead gotta have these.
  
• They (the people with the job form) keep calling it a job requirement. A job requirement, you uneducated idiot, is 'needs at least six months experience in JCL,' not 'Business Analyst.'
• And quit trying to cover up Abbott Labs. Uline left Waukegan a couple of months ago and other than Zebra Printers or Washburn Guitars, there's nothing up North except tea-baggers. Abbott doesn't pay contractors a living wage and the front doors should be built on skateboard metal wheels because they can't hold anyone there. Not like figuring out why is rocket science.
  
• The English- challenged refuse to even read the job 'requirement.' I am not a developer you illiterate boilerplate, I am an analyst. Interwoven/Autonomy and Documentum are on my resume showing my abilities in custom portal creation, not revising templates. 

How's that for Senior Business Analysis?

I'm going to hold out for a face 2 face interview this time. I had a five and a half hour session of blood sweat and tears for what I thought was going to be a dream job. Turns out they were ass holes. My fault. Should not have agreed to the gig over the phone.

That said, so far (both days) in this search, I've found four or five really good recruiters.

Sorry.

Recruiters with English as a first language.

I'm a car carrying liberal, but why are these companies putting language challenged people on the phone. Once I say, "I'm fine, how are you?" their script is blow to smithereens and they can't recover. They've lost sales time and they've eliminated still one more e-mail with attachment I could have sent out that no one will read.

The local recruiters feel much more professional- this anecdotal evidence may suggests the fast money idiots are back trying to sell time shares.

I hope so and I hope I'm wrong, but id IS me, right?

Jamming with High School Friends You Never Thought You had

Today seems like a good day to be thankful for the wonderful times we've all had on FaceBook and especially last Sunday's Jam Session at Alan and Alouise' house- well before it sinks into the next flood.

Rich East High School's Classes of 1971-1975 are pretty much all up on FaceBook... probably because we're too cheap to buy classmates.com accounts.

Since graduating in 1973, I've learned to play a couple of chords on a guitar. I took two whole lessons going up and down the top top four frets and matching those tones to itty-bitty 'notes' on a sheet of paper.

After dumping the 'loaner' with action (space between the bottom of the string and the top of the particle wood fretboard) of about 14 inches or so, with Epiphone's version of a Gibson J-2000,  my sister (who was a whiz) introduced me to 'chords' and you could actually play songs with 'em. Why, oh why, do we introduce people to guitars with #60 strings and action that rips the tips off your fingers?

I got me a dreadnought size to drown my voice out. At 18, I didn't think I could sing. After finding out about his cool thing called 'keys' it turns out my adenoidal bellowings weren't too bad. But that was far in the future when my better half, with exasperation in her voice, told me to hum the song against the chords and then change the capo position.

Jeez.

I'd been playing rhythm in a couple of folk ensembles for a few years and found that, pretty much, every guy in the Class of '73 did the same thing I did to find girls...learn three chords and buy yerself a capo to raise or lower the pitch. They continued practicing and learning from the folk-rock songs to which we were listening in the 70s.

They kept telling me they were horrible players.

I believed them.

So I suggested a jam session. Lots of flurrying around, excited talk and plansd akin to the Manhattan Project floated around FaceBook for about a month. I figured I'd blow the room away.

Wrong.

These guys were good. And while we had, let's see, Drama, Speech, Industrial Arts, Radio Station, Speech Team, Newspaper and a couple of niches even I wasn't aware of were represented and all the barriers of school were gone. Pffts
.
I wrote a blog on FaceBook about a year about how high school is a troubled time for many (OK, all of us) and what stunned me (and continues to do so even today) is how great these people are and I missed all of it between 1969 and 1973. Blinders and much too concerned with being vulnerable protecting myself.

• Chip was kicking ass on his 12 string- playing so quietly I couldn't believe it was a 12 string. Who knew?
• Dave turns out to live a bike ride from my house...just like when we were kids. I plan on doing just that and inviting him over to my house. After cleaning. He'll be waiting a while.He's killer mean when playing in A or E. Seriously. When we played Gloria he was all over it like a bad suite. I also had an opportunity to put the Fourth Grade Fish Tank and Freshman QSL Issues to rest, for which I'm mighty grateful. I did in a crowd so he wouldn't hit me. Turns out, he's too much a gentleman. He just let the air out of my tires. I'll be here all week- remember to tip your waitress.
• Steve- I heard him before (in my basement) and he plays a very tasty acoustic guitar- he even brought a resonator guitar, which was trey kewl. He is so good, he hit all the fills in Poncho and Lefty exactly like my band's lead player does...almost to the note. And he bitched I was using barre chords. How can you not like someone like that?
  
• Alan- all over Cat Stevens...I mean ALL OVER some of our favorite tunes from the 70s...and his Jimmy Page riffs were dead on. Wonderful Host. Five Stars.
  
• Tom- Alan's brother and closer to my music (folk, old timey, acoustic blues sort of stuff) is as good on his music as his brother. Banging on his guitar, my foot. Cool songs, very cool songs and great taste. He's a member of the Old Towne School, so how could he not?
  
• Mimi- Wow. Just Wow. Her significant other seems like a good guy as well.
• Sheree- just as pretty and intelligent and delightful as in school. One of the women my radar said 'totally, absolutely way above your station in life.' Never partied with her or Mimi- and that's just enough of a rationale to kick myself.
• Alouise- a delight for not only letting is use her basement, but to have around the party without a single sarcastic chuckle. Alan picked good.
• Peggy- A SAINT- who the hell could have put up with me for 34 years? And a crack percussionist. Definitely out of my class. No, not High School.

Funny how your early mind games come up to kick you in the ass in Middle Age.

We missed a few folks and the short notice left out some folks who might otherwise have shown. We won't make that same mistake- because there will be a next time.

Team Clock

I've got a friend from high school. Steve Ritter is his name.

He came over to my house a while back for a guitar jam and blew out the room. Haven't heard hide nor hair from him since. I don't think the rest of us were all that bad...

Now, in the wake of his "I don't usually play acoustic" (he has a $2500 Martin, I'm not stupid, Steve, just tome deaf) and doing electric riffs on heavy acoustic strings- the only thing I had going for me was my writing skill. I knew I was a better writer than he is. Had to be. He was in the plays while I was on the newspaper, yearbook and radio station.

Steve tells me he wrote a book, could I review it?

Sure- just had unemployment (ethics requires me to purchase stuff I review, especially from a friend) and getting used to a new job  kinda delayed it.

Here goes:

Turns out the SOB is also a better writer than me.

Bastard.

Now I have no reason to live.

Seriously, though, Steve's book is titled Team Clock: A Guide to Breakthrough Teams.

Steve took the old group communication model (he uses the psychological version, which is the same goofy storming and norming, etc.). But Steve made almost the same leap Maslow (you remember- 'self actualized' and 'hierarchy of needs') made in the 1950s.

Team Building (communication) is a continuum, not like the seven steps for grieving.  Ritter uses the face of a clock for his model... and the walks you all through the complete life cycle of a team. Any kind of team.

If you are a Project Manager, a Scrum Master, a Portfolio Manager, a Business Analyst or an Architect/Lead Developer, go buy this book.

All that PMI crap about inputs and outputs are nothing compared to what Steve's accomplished in 88 pages. And you don't have to memorize a thing.


There are direct application (pun intended) for software development teams.

Those just getting organized.

Those ready to take the plunge into Agile methods.

Those who's lead developer is now working for Google and pretty much everybody on the team thinks it's great, but why did she get the job and not me?

Oh, sure, if you need some help, the Team Clock Institute is standing by with operators waiting to take your call. i think they take American Express. And, yeah, if Steve and his colleagues are half as successful with your issues as he's been with those who confirmed his theories, you're going to wish you called him a long time ago.

But if you want to know (you PMs and BAs need to know this stuff a heckuva lot more than memorizing that certification drivel) how to motivate and manage your team. This book will explain. If you can help push your team out of the comfort zone into unknown or untried region- Steve has an outline and an example for you.

It's not a How To book. Steve wrote a Think About This Way book.

If my team was having major issues or I couldn't deduce what the problem was, I feel confident Steve and his team would find me an answer and a method of 'fixing it' or at least understanding it.

Team Clock is not a panacea. In fact, Steve mentions that there are times team members have to leave. But unlike goofy management books like The One Minute Manager, Ritter wrote a book that I can use as a team member and a team manager for years. Not many $20 investments can say the same.

Now that's out of the way:

Steve:

1. When did you become such jock?
2. You're killing me with three syllable words- there are perfectly good single syllable words, amigo: it's u-s-e, not utilize and t-i-t-l-e, not entitle (entitle means having a right to something). There are a couple others.
3. I'm just yanking your chain- you did a fabulous job. Very little psycho-babble and right to the point.

Now. How do I sweet talk him into our band?

What I'm doing on my Summer Vacation

I had a couple of minutes last week, so I looked in the enterprise phone book. This is like Googling yourself. It turns out my new employer....er...client thinks I'm an Architect/Designer.

The boss says she doesn't have a problem with that because a. I can do and b. I pretty much am doing it, as a sort of junior- deputy-assistant, associate Architect. That means I have no clue about process, people or things. But I'm learning.

Anyway, I wanted to know what the heck an IT Architect does since I thought it was like a super Team Lead- the kind of person who lives and breathes data layers, web services and other tools we BAs usually nod at like we understand what they're saying. I figure as long as they draw the graphics, they can call that stuff anything they want.

It turns out, I was close- especially on the technical end. But it turns out it's more of a blend of skills and knowledge:

Architecture is a business in which technical knowledge, management, and an understanding of business are as important as design.- wikipedia

Designer? Yeah. I'm not a full fledged Information Architect, oooops! An Information Architect at my client's site is a regular old software architect, not a trained designer and requirements gatherer. Actually, that's the group I'm in.

Anyway.

I'm not a full-fledged web-designer-user experience specialist, but I play one on television.  Everyone other than my boss thinks it's amazing I have more than one skill set. Muahahahahaha.

So, I'm writing and drawing, drawing and writing. We came up with the concept in the first couple of weeks and are now making the case for Knowledge Management. Oops. Sorry. Knowledge Sharing.

You have any idea how cool it is working for a place that could care less what titles and functions mean on the outside? It's confusing as hell. But its pretty cool.

Big and Small

Well, it's been about a month.

I'm reminded constantly that I'm working at a big....large...um...HUGE company and the stuff I learned at the fast-agile firms in recent times ain't gonna cut it.

The saving grace is that I have the time to anticipate, to talk, to work things out with the really smart people I work with. And that's not a bad trade off.

Yeah, it sucks having your laptop locked down. It's worse using Internet Explorer 6 and Office 2003. But I'm beginning to understand why.

This company has about a gajillion (that's 1x10+3 higher than a bazillion) laptops and PCs out in the offices. I remember one agent's kid putting a Golf on his Agency PC. The kid didn't install it correctly and Dad's PC was toast. Of course, it was the IT department's fault.

So, a little sweet talk, a few sentences about how technical my gig is and a superb boss, I got local admin rights to the laptop, M/S Project, IE 8 and Snag It installed. OK. They gave me Snag IT Release 8 and Techsmith just released version 10- but 8 still has that great little image editor- which means I don't have to ask for PhotoShop.

I've been relying on the "people skills" I learned as a Parachuting Business Analyst (drop in for a few weeks and off to the next project). Yes, I should have learned these skills years ago- but a radio news guy is supposed to be a curmudgeon.

So, I've been listening carefully, holding off riffing with my strange, yet obscure sense of humor; until I know you very well- and even then I'm careful about my jokes. It's hard, but it beats getting fired. And it seems to be working pretty well.

I'm also trying really, really hard not to interrupt someone when they're speaking. Then I went to a status meeting of the Enterprise Architects. There wasn't a topic that didn't result in at least one interruption- except when the Director spoke. Hmmm. Kinda funny, no?

I'm using the extra time to extrapolate requirements and high level designs for what could be a terrific Capture/Store/Disseminate system based on existing, every day tools with a little bit of extra horsepower. If this goes the way I'm thinking it will, the only real issues we're going to have are cultural. But we're on top of that, too.

I'll ask the boss what's proprietary and what I can talk about as we go through the process. I'll letcha know.

I really like this gig- and I've been there for about a month.

Enterprise Architecture: Lincoln Logs for IT Folks

It's been a couple of weeks and everything seems to be going well.

I'm working with an Enterprise Architect. As a sort of junior architect. The boss calls me a Knowledge Management Specialist since we're working on cool stuff like search engines, wikis, knowledge capture and knowledge dissemination. The gig's pretty high in the food chain, but I haven't stepped on my di....um....made a major mistake yet. 

Relax. I didn't know what Enterprise Architecture was, either. And no, you don't get to design and build large companies in an artistic way.

It turns out, Enterprise Architects are like BAs, but on steroids.

They ask the questions when someone in a large organization wants to add, improve, replace or remove something. The architect makes sure the IT organization's standards are imposed on new projects at conception. The architect thinks and plans how new technologies will or will not fit and how to scale applications into usable tools. The architect makes sure the data is sourced and accurate (Oracle and SAP anyone?). And that everything is properly licensed, copyrighted and implemented.

The architects shepard projects through the minefield of IT Governance (that's big time talk for who's in charge of the 'puters).  After the Architects get the major questions answered, they 'architect' the project. How does it fit into the mix of applications? Where should the database go? What kind of data base should the application use? How do we get the data from point A to point B. Document it. You get the idea.

There are Data Architects, Information Architects, Application Architects and Content Architects. There are probably other Architectural Types I haven't met yet.

The big difference between an Enterprise Architect and a Business Analyst is that as a BA, I was only worried about my project and how my team got its stuff done. This is as it should be.

But suppose the organization has 60-100 project going at any one time and a third of the BAs are like me? You know, Pragmatic and Focused so my boss looks good. Everyone would be pushing his or her project or portfolio. A mess. A chocolate mess (to those younger than Boomer age, that's how M and M Mars used to advertise M&M candy).

On this side of the Project Management Office, we're looking at how these projects support IT plans, objectives and how they fit into the mix of stuff already available. We got that information from the business. Because the business pays our salaries. And we like our salaries. The words 'align' and 'alignment' are used a lot. Align means do it the way the business needs it done to impact the bottom line, not the way you think it should be done.

So the boss wound up the key sticking out of my back (you know, where the recruiter and HR knives went in?) and set me onto five projects. Knowledge Management Projects (I feel like Bill Murray's character in Stripes when the General asks him what kind of training his platoon completed). Short leash (heck, it's only been a couple of weeks) but fun as all get out.

I'm drawing diagrams in VISIO, I'm writing up Business Rules. I'm creating project plans in Excel (having taken the Project course this spring, I'm sticking with Excel until I have to turn out a plan in Project- there's so much crap in that program you never use, it's results are counter intuitive and you can't adjust the defaults- and don't get me started on task numbering!) and having a lot of fun talking to Subject Matter Experts and Stakeholders.

See, I did a lot of KM back in the day. Much of that stuff had to be created custom in the 90s because, at best, folks were collaborating on NetMeeting. Word Docs and Spreadsheets floats around the world. We didn't know from WebEx, GoogleTools, Open Office, Instant Messaging, Twitter, Tweeting, Twisting or Twining.

That's changed. And it's an exciting change. And that's what we're gonna see: How Scot adapts to the Enterprise View and Knowledge Management 2010.

Tune in again, friends. Same Bat Channel. Same Bat time! (for the younger than Boomers out there- that's how the TV Series, Batman, used to sign off on ABC. Jeez, doesn't it suck to have a joke explained?)